Today is the day that I realized how much my medical issues affect me, today was the day I looked in the mirror and saw more flaws then before. Today was the day I woke up thinking nothing else could go wrong. This has been something that has been build up within my life for the last month or so.
I have a feeling many people will be able to relate to this...
I am beginning to feel hopeless, how many more time will I have to go to the hospital. How many more times will I have to go through getting several EPI injections within 20 minutes. How many more times will I have to experience the sensation of my throat swelling and not be able to say why it is happening?
This has been my life since last August. A severe reaction sent me to the hospital and the doctors had no idea what was happening. All they could do was give me more EPI and steroids to keep my throat open, give me more morphine to stop the pain that was travelling throughout my body, give me more gravel to make sure the morphine did not make me sick, take more blood samples, take a skin sample and bring in more options. In the end we left with no definitive answers, no ways to know how to prevent it from happening again, no peace of mind.
To this day we really have no answers, and I have no peace of mind. When I eat or try something new it is like playing Russian roulette, I never know what is gonna cause a reaction and what is not. I feel helpless to help myself, I have so many doctors working with me and still nothing. A dermatologist, a allergy specialist, a family doctor, a neurologist and now a lung specialist. Where do you go next when you have tried so many medical options and even some natural options but nothing seems to be helping and the one thing you though was helping you are no longer allowed to be on, in fear it is causing issues.
So I sit here today, after being transported to the hospital on the weekend via ambulance for my throat closing wondering where there is to go next, who do I see, who do I talk to, how do I get the answers I so desperately need to allow myself some peace of mind.
Just needed to get some of what I am feeling off my chest and many some suggesting of anyone who has been through this or is going through this right now.
Today is the day I say enough. Today was the day that one comment from my two favourite men in my life made my day that much more bearable, the simple I love you from those in your life can do wonders for your mood. A simple hug from my little boy and him looking up at me and telling me that I am so pretty. Today is the day I saw unconditional love within my little boys eyes, eyes that saw nothing but wonder, eyes that did not see my flaws but loved me because I am mommy.
I have a feeling many people will be able to relate to this...
I am beginning to feel hopeless, how many more time will I have to go to the hospital. How many more times will I have to go through getting several EPI injections within 20 minutes. How many more times will I have to experience the sensation of my throat swelling and not be able to say why it is happening?
This has been my life since last August. A severe reaction sent me to the hospital and the doctors had no idea what was happening. All they could do was give me more EPI and steroids to keep my throat open, give me more morphine to stop the pain that was travelling throughout my body, give me more gravel to make sure the morphine did not make me sick, take more blood samples, take a skin sample and bring in more options. In the end we left with no definitive answers, no ways to know how to prevent it from happening again, no peace of mind.
To this day we really have no answers, and I have no peace of mind. When I eat or try something new it is like playing Russian roulette, I never know what is gonna cause a reaction and what is not. I feel helpless to help myself, I have so many doctors working with me and still nothing. A dermatologist, a allergy specialist, a family doctor, a neurologist and now a lung specialist. Where do you go next when you have tried so many medical options and even some natural options but nothing seems to be helping and the one thing you though was helping you are no longer allowed to be on, in fear it is causing issues.
So I sit here today, after being transported to the hospital on the weekend via ambulance for my throat closing wondering where there is to go next, who do I see, who do I talk to, how do I get the answers I so desperately need to allow myself some peace of mind.
Just needed to get some of what I am feeling off my chest and many some suggesting of anyone who has been through this or is going through this right now.
Today is the day I say enough. Today was the day that one comment from my two favourite men in my life made my day that much more bearable, the simple I love you from those in your life can do wonders for your mood. A simple hug from my little boy and him looking up at me and telling me that I am so pretty. Today is the day I saw unconditional love within my little boys eyes, eyes that saw nothing but wonder, eyes that did not see my flaws but loved me because I am mommy.